Want to know how to support your wife through pregnancy, birth and beyond? Read this fantastic new Parent Panel post from our resident dad Ben.

Fatherhood has moved on a lot in just a few decades. Cast your mind back to the early-1950s (or, if you’re not a golden oldie, just imagine them), and picture this scenario.

A man sits in a plush chair in front of a fire, smoking a pipe and twiddling his moustache with thumb and forefinger. His wife enters; she seems excited.

“Charles!” she exclaims, “I am with child!”

Charles’ expression remains the same, but his hand leaves his moustache and instead reaches for a large glass of brandy, the deep burgundy liquid illuminated by the firelight.

“Mmm…come back in nine months.” he says, obviously deep in thought about something else.

Nine months later, Charles’ wife re-enters. For some reason, he’s sat in the same chair, holding the same glass of brandy. He’s even wearing the same clothes. His wife is clutching a newborn baby, and holds it proudly in front of Charles’ face. Charles peers through a monocle at his son, looks at his wife, then back at his son.

“Charming.” he mumbles. “Now what’s for tea?”

I’m being unfair, perhaps – but the truth is that fathers are much more involved in pregnancy and childbirth nowadays. In 1965, just 5% of fathers were present at the birth of their child – not entirely their fault, as chances are they were man-handled out of the delivery suite by a butch midwife who sported a giant pair of biceps and tufts of ginger neck hair. But, by 1989, this figure had rocketed to 95%. So how can dads be any use when faced with the emotion, tears and wailing that often comes with childbirth?

The role of the birth partner does not begin with the first twinge and end when the cord is cut; it is a responsibility that starts before the due date, and goes on until after your baby has been vigorously buffed dry by a couple of eager midwives. So let’s take it one step at a time.

Before the Due Date

Chances are, your life is not like a soap opera. Your mum will not turn out to actually be your brother, people are not murdered in a terrible accident every Christmas, and the likelihood is that your partner will not be giving birth on the side of a country road after you’ve run out of fuel. But just to be sure, make sure that you keep a full tank of petrol in your car in the days (even weeks) leading up to the due date. Unfortunately, although babies are born without umbilical cords in soap operas, this does not happen in real life. A roadside birth will be very messy, not to mention the bits of grit and yellowing cigarette butts that will stick to your baby’s skin goo.

Talk to your partner about a birth plan, and decide on the drugs that she would or would not like, whether you want immediate skin contact, who you want present at the birth (studio audiences not allowed unfortunately, although the applause as your baby crowns would be a great motivator), that kind of thing. Check out this online article for some tips on writing a birth plan. There’s also a chapter on how to create a birth plan in my book (shameless plug, sorry).

Get some bags packed and ready for the big day, to include toiletries, magazines, a change of clothes – and food. If it’s a long labour you’ll end up having to either buy hospital food or chew on the bedsheets, although I have a pretty good inkling as to which would taste better.

During the Birth

Remain calm, focussed, and remember to breathe. You too, mum.

All that a dad can really do during childbirth is provide as much support as possible through fetching items, words of encouragement, and the occasional back rub. There may also be times, in the final throes of labour, when the mum is too tired or in too much pain to indulge in a lot of communication, and it’s at times like these when she will need her partner to make decisions and stand up for her if the midwives are pushing something that you both would really rather avoid.

Perhaps most importantly, dads, have some sympathy. It’s the age-old thing of “Well, yeah, I mean you women have labour, but have you ever been kicked in the nuts?” After watching my wife go through two labours I can tell you there’s no comparison, unless you get at least two kicks in the nuts and then have to push a golf ball through your willy.

After Your Baby’s Born

The main role for a new dad in the days following birth – especially if mum is mega-sore – is to don those sexy rubber gloves and get down to some housework. Wash the laundry, scrub the clothes, that kind of thing. You will probably also have to do some cooking, which may or may not be an absolute disaster.

Becoming a parent is a life-changing experience, we all know that; but you never really know how much until you’re there, in that situation. At the end of the day, it’s your partner who is going to have to squeeze a baby out, so your main function before, during and after the big day is support. Hold her hand during labour, get stuck in to the cooking, and get yourself wrist-deep in a pooey nappy as much as possible; being silently thankful all the time, of course, that you haven’t got five stitches in your bits.

We’d love to hear the funniest or most cringeworthy moments from your birth story, or if you have a tip about how to be a great birth partner then please leave a comment after this post and we’ll choose one person to win a Twist N’Pop Cup. Last day to comment is on Friday 12th November.

UPDATE: Congrats to Zoe!  We’ll be sending you a Twist N’Pop Cup, thanks for commenting.

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