Here’s a heartwarming post about breastfeeding from  mum of 3 Jax.

Jax is currently at home, home educating 2 children and raising a baby. She blogs at Making it up about home education, parenting and anything else that takes her fancy.

My youngest baby is just over a year old now, and she’s still breastfeeding. That takes my total to over 4 years, but it hasn’t been easy all the way.

 Back in 1999 I was a programmer working for a bank and expecting my first child just after we’d dealt with the Millenium bug. I worked until a week before my due date, and fully expected to be back in work at 14 weeks. I couldn’t imagine how I’d want to do anything else; while I desperately wanted children, I didn’t really do babies at all and couldn’t imagine spending all day around one.

I’d done my research – I knew what the best things to do were. I’d found the best nursery, got all the right baby equipment, and I was going to breastfeed. Oh yes, I was going to breastfeed. It’s the best thing for babies; it’s what we are meant to do. But no one told me it could be really hard work. That it could hurt. That there would be times I would sit there dripping tears on the baby’s head as she fed, with my toes curling worse than they had done in labour.

One midwife saved me, when she introduced the concept of nipple shields. I know that they are frowned upon, I know that people say that if it hurts you just need to sort the latch out, but at that time I didn’t know anyone with any breastfeeding experience, I didn’t know how to find a breastfeeding counsellor and I didn’t know what else to do. So I used a nipple shield and Kamillosan cream, and I fed her until it was time for her to go to nursery and for me to go to work.

Also at that point I got a pump, and I pumped. I might have been be badly equipped with maternal feelings and prepared to abandon my baby to youthful strangers, but I was going to send her with breastmilk.

Supply was never a problem, except in that I had too much of the stuff. I could fire it across the room but I didn’t seem to be able to settle the baby. She screamed most evenings – with hindsight probably because of the oversupply. If I’d had Kellymom* life would have been easier.

Anyway, I pumped, and froze, and sent her to nursery with bags of frozen milk, and fed her before I took her and fed her when I picked her up and very quickly we got into a routine. When food was introduced she took to it quickly, and dropped a feed each time a meal was introduced. I don’t really remember, but I think she slept through from about 6 months, probably because of all the activity and food she was being offered during the day. We were still feeding at a year, but only morning and evening, and when she started biting, that was the end of our breastfeeding relationship. But we’d lasted a year, a year in which I returned to work at 14 weeks, and by 6 months was doing 3 full days. And not one drop of formula had passed her lips, which was my line in the sand – we all draw one.

Baby no 2 came along 3 and a bit years later. And I was a very different person by then. He was a very different baby too – he fed every 4 hours, briefly, slept independently, preferred to be put down. Compared to his older sister he was an absolute dream to feed. At 4 weeks old I took them both on a holiday to meet up with a bunch of home educators I’d met online, and while I was there a weird lump came up on one nipple. Fortunately, many home educators are very into breastfeeding and there were counsellors, peer supporters and a GP amongst the campers. I got very used to introducing myself and my breasts as strangers came to my caravan to help – and I was helped.

Turned out that he didn’t like to lie on one side, so I learnt about a rugby hold, and I was introduced to babywearing and life was very much simpler. He breastfed until he was over 2, but it never felt like a bind, not during the day anyway. Nights were tougher, given that he didn’t night wean until he was 18 months old, and by then I really needed the sleep.

By baby number 3 you’d think I’d be an expert. But that’s not actually how it works. All babies are individuals, and all breastfeeding relationships are unique. I think what helped this time around was that I knew that, and I knew when to ask for help and where to look. Staring at pictures on * kellymom of how to check the latch while looking down on the little fuzzy head in my arms was a bit of a lifesaver, and so was having friends around who had been there done that, and could remind me that when a feeding frenzy set in, this too will pass.

Tonight we’ve been having one of those feeding frenzies. Smallest is currently in the kitchen eating yogurt when usually she’d be well asleep. She can sign to ask for milk now, and she has done four times in the last three hours this evening. I’m tired, but I know that all too soon this will be over and those special cuddles will only be memories. So I tough out these difficult evenings and enjoy the easy ones. Breastfeeding is not easy for everyone. It can work in a number of different ways. But if you are determined to do it, and you have support from your family, you can get through just about anything.

Don’t be brave, ask for help, and you’ll find there are lots of people out there ready to help.  

Share on Facebook