Our Parent Panel dad Ben has written this honest account of what it feels like to be the breadwinner in the family.

There was a time when I thought being at work would never be less stressful than being at home. Mind you, that was in the days when I’d spend the evenings at the cinema, or out for a meal, or even just sat at home in my boxers playing on games consoles until the wee hours. Two kids later, and the cinema is almost non-existent (although I did see Toy Story 3 with my son and managed not to cry), meals out consist of a McDonalds drive-through, and the games console gathers dust in the corner of the living room. Lazing about in my undies remains, though. There are just some things that are too hard to let go of.

Don’t get me wrong: I love spending time with my wife and children. Every day my two young boys come up with something to amaze me, something that may seem insignificant but makes me love them so much more. But it’s just so bloomin’ stressful.

At work, everything’s organised. I check my emails, I structure my day, and share banter with my colleagues. The air is quiet but for the background noise of general chatter punctuated by the occasional ring of a phone. At home, letters get thrown on the table to be looked at hours later, the day is a blur of Shrek and baby vomit, and I share glares with my eldest son as I try to persuade him to put on his shoes. Oh, yes: and the air is alive with squealing, shouting and the faint whiff of dirty nappies.

I guess that because I am the one who goes to work, and my wife stays at home to care for our children, I am considered the ‘breadwinner’. In a way, I suppose that’s true. I earn the majority of our monthly income that goes into our bank account one day and then leaves the next thanks to a lengthy list of direct debits. That’s not to say I get home and put my feet up: I will help out whenever and however I can, whether it be bathing the boys to reading my 3 year-old a bedtime story. But the thought of spending each and every day with the stress of raising two children makes me thankful for the peace and quiet of the office, and leaves me in awe of my wife. It sounds awful, and looks awful when I write it, and I cannot stress enough how much I love my boys: but I’m just not cut out for raising kids all day every day. They’d break me within a couple of hours. I remember a weekend a few months ago when my wife was bed-ridden with an illness, and I had to look after my sons for the day. By the time I’d put them to bed that evening, I looked worse than she did, and could have done with a few hours of therapy.

You have to wonder: when you compare the value with what I do when sat at my desk from 9 to 5 with what my wife does in raising my children to be fine young men; when you contrast the worth of any monetary gains with the priceless nature of a simple smile from my baby boy; when you sit and really think about who out of me and my wife is spending the day doing the most important thing, it all becomes beautifully clear: she’s the real breadwinner in this family.

Come and share your thoughts with Ben, we’ll be choosing one person who comments to win a Twist N’Pop Straw cup on Friday 17th Dec.

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