Here’s Parent Panel member Ben Wakeling, from Goodbye, Pert Breasts,  tackling an important issue normally associated with older children.

When Isaac, our three year-old son, started preschool, my wife and I were understandably slightly concerned as to how he would get on with his classmates. Would he make loads of new friends straight away? Or would he end up playing by himself in the corner?

One thing to worry about that never dawned on us was whether or not he would be bullied. When you think of bullying, you imagine it happening in secondary school – or perhaps in primary school, in the most unfortunate cases. But never in preschool.

Fortunately, Isaac isn’t being bullied at preschool. To be honest, I think he would be able to look after himself if another kid came up to him and started dishing out the odd kick or slightly uncoordinated punch. Judging by the way he beats me up, he’d have that kid in a half-Nelson before any of the teachers could intervene.

I only say that because we haven’t noticed any of the signs that Isaac is being picked on. According to Education.com, the tell-tale signs that your child may be bullied include: 

• Being suddenly afraid to go to preschool;
• Complaining of illness for no reason;
• Is clingy or whingy;
• Comes home with unexplained injuries;
• Is withdrawn;
• Avoids eye contact when you talk about school;
• Complains about one particular person doing mean things to them.

As a parent, your first reaction upon finding out that your child is being bullied is to march down to the preschool to yell at the teachers, and maybe even give the kid a rough nudge in the back with your knee – and that’s putting it mildly. But there are ways to deal with this kind of situation: mature ways, that won’t end up with you crying at a teacher or in a police cell.

Firstly, you need to communicate with your child. Let him or her know that you are here to listen to their fears, and that you will make everything better. There are even a couple of books on the market that deal specifically with this topic, and reading a few of these might bring your child out of his shell.

Speaking to the teacher is also a good idea – emphasis on ‘speaking’. You’re not going to achieve anything if you burst open the teacher’s door with a single kick, and demand that something be done. Remember that they can’t be everywhere all the time, so it is inevitable that now and again a bit of bullying may go unnoticed. Tell them what has happened, and rest assured they will keep a close eye on the situation and make sure it doesn’t happen again. The teachers could even set up a meeting between you and the bully’s parents if you so wish – just be prepared that they may deny that their little cherub could ever do such terrible things…

Do not teach your child kung-fu, or how to be a cage fighter. Instead, give him the confidence to stand up to the bully next time it happens by refusing to be intimidated and informing a teacher. You could even carry out a short role-playing scenario with your child so they know both how to deal with a bully in the future, and how to avoid situations where they may be bullied – for example, if they become detached from their group of friends.

Sometimes, the bullying becomes so bad that you are forced to move classes or even schools. Talk to as many professionals as you can before you make this move, as it could be detrimental to your child’s self-esteem to take them away from their friends and into a totally new environment.

Have you or your child ever experienced preschool bullying ? Can you tell us how you dealt with it?  We will be sending a Drinking Cup to one person who leaves a comment.

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