Here’s Parent Panel mum Claire Lancaster with her candid account of how life changing it can be to have a second child.

I think having a second child is a much bigger decision than having the first.  I have two children, two and half years apart.  For us a second baby was as much a sibling for my son as she is daughter for us. 

The difference between have no children to having one doesn’t come close to the difference adding a second baby to the family makes.  I found life with two children more than overwhelming in those first six months and yes I do mean months, not days, not weeks, MONTHS! 

For starters being pregnant with a toddler around is a different ballgame altogether, there was no reading books pondering whether my foetus was the size of a bean, plum, pear, grapefruit.  There was no “what to expect when you’re expecting” I was still head down in “what to expect the toddler years”.  There was no “starting to show” about a nano second after I conceived I looked about six months pregnant.  Bigger, faster and I was hauling me and the bump after a 2 year old in soft play hell centres.  There was no after work and all weekend snoozes on the sofa, on the odd occasion I did nod off I risked being used as a bouncy castle.  There was no planning our journey to the hospital instead lots of planning childcare to be able to even leave the house to go to the hospital.   

About 6 to 8 weeks before my daughter was born chaos slowly but surely descended.  My little boy who had been a great sleeper since being about 12 weeks old decided to kick the afternoon nap into touch, turn up the “challenge” setting on his 2.5 year old self, start waking early and then to top it off started waking through the night.  This disruption I believe is very normal and common and, being honest, an absolute killer! 

If you have ever wondered what follows chaos, have a second baby, you’ll discover its MADNESS.  Breast feeding, Nursery runs, sterilising, tantrums, expressing, toilet trips, nappy changes, sleepless nights, bath time – oh dear god bathtime- and bedtime! 

Then let’s not forget that’s just the day job – with one child I also managed to work as well as undertake the obligatory “second shift” – you know the jobs you do when the kids have gone to bed.  For me that’s shopping, cooking, staying on top of washing, housework , birthday cards, birthday gifts, all those little household duties.  The reality with two children is the second shift starts later, involves doing pretty much twice as much and is twice more likely to be interrupted.  See that?  See that little dot just disappearing over the horizon?  That’s your sanity, and just behind it, that’s what little is left in your bank balance!

My daughter is now 17 months old, life got a little easier around six months when she was able to sit up and my children’s sibling relationship really started to take off.  Twelve months on and I think possibly THE most difficult year of our life is behind us, the person googling “full time jobs” and “full time nanny” is back working part time from home, mostly happily most of the time.  Everyone tells me the third baby just fits in, I’m sure they’re right but I shall take their word for it.  In my world two children is a large family, large enough for me anyway!

I’ve written this because I wanted to read a post like this when I had my daughter, I wanted to know I wasn’t the only one finding life with two disproportionately difficult.  The analogy I use for how I felt about having a second child is if you imagine knowing how to handwrite short stories, you have skills and experience yes, but the challenge is to type a novel, oh and keep to a screaming deadline – literally! 

So how is it for you with two? Or are you expecting your second or quitting whilst you’re ahead stopping at one? We love to read your comments do please come on over and share your thoughts on family life Beyond One.

.

Share on Facebook