When you have kids it’s all to easy to forget about what made you a couple in the first place. Here’s our Parent Panel dad Ben Wakeling, author of GoodBye Pert Breasts, with some very good advice on how to make room in your life for grown up time.

I’m really sorry if I offend you with this statement. If you’re easily offended, look away now; but I wouldn’t bother, because you won’t know when to look back.

Pretty much my favourite time of the day is when both my kids are in bed.

I can hear you gasping in horror. Don’t get me wrong: I love spending time with my two boys, and watching them grow up and learn new things every day is an absolute joy. But they’re hard work. Being a parent is hard work. And so, when they’re both in bed, my wife and I can slump onto the settee, exhale deeply, and revel in the silence. I’m sorry if I’ve horrified you, and if right now you’re angrily tapping out an email of complaint to BornFree with a couple of stiff index fingers: but, if you’re really honest with yourself, you agree with me. Go on, admit it.

Being a parent is a full-time job, and as much as you love your kids, there are times when you may pine for the days when it was just you and your partner, and you could do whatever the heck you wanted. You could lie in on weekends, go out until the wee hours, or just slob around in your pyjamas all day, if you wanted to. These feelings may bring on pangs of guilt, but wanting to spend time with your spouse or partner, just the two of you, is perfectly natural.

In fact, it’s healthy. Studies have shown that many couples note a significant decline in their relationship once they have children. It’s not because they suddenly despise each other, but because they no longer have the time to spend alone. Therefore, making the time to spend with just you and your partner is an important part of being a parent. So how can you do it without feeling guilty or constantly texting the babysitter?

• Cut out the TV. Whilst seeing how Phil Mitchell et al are getting on in Albert Square might be one good way to spend an evening, you end up sitting on the settee not talking to each other before going to bed and falling asleep. Try having a few nights where you switch off the TV and spend some quality time together. (No, not in that way. Your mind is so dirty. Although…)
• Date nights. Date nights are a recurring feature in the lives of many parents, and they are a great way of spending some time together. Enlist the help of a babysitter (or, if all else fails, your in-laws), and go out for a meal together, or to a show – whatever it is that you both love doing. Just enjoy spending time with one another without having a weeping child clinging onto your trouser leg the whole time.
• Take up a hobby together. Whether it’s ballroom dancing, clay pigeon shooting, or going to a book club, find a common hobby that you both enjoy and make sure you schedule some time in each week to indulge yourselves in something you can enjoy or bond over. 
• Go to bed at the same time. So often my wife and I will go to bed at different times. She’ll head upstairs as soon as Holby City is over, and I’ll spend another hour or two surfing the Internet, or writing about how you shouldn’t go to bed at different times. If you both get into bed at the same time, you’ve got a few more moments to spend together until one of you falls asleep. And yes: Sex. I knew you’d make me say it.

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