Do you have a hot headed tot and sometimes struggle to keep your cool? I have a three year old boy and I know I do! Here’s  Ben Wakeling, from our Parent Panel, and author of Goodbye Pert Breasts, with some very good advice on how to ensure you keep your temper, and your dignity, when dealing with your child’s ‘moments’.

We all know that looking after kids is hard work. It’s so well known that you don’t really need me to tell you, as you cast your mind back to that time your kid lay on his back screaming whilst bicycle-kicking his legs in the air just because he didn’t get to have a Fruit Shoot.

Temper tantrums are simply a part of growing up, and therefore it is your job as a parent to handle them as and when they rear their ugly heads (the tantrums, not your children). The way a child acts, though, depends a lot upon what he sees you doing when you’re frustrated, and they then replicate your actions through their own actions. In short, if you throw a hissy fit every time something doesn’t go your way, chances are your kid will too.

While we’re on the subject of me telling you obvious things, now and again during parenthood it is inevitable that you will get stressed over many things. Perhaps the washing machine has broken down, the saucepan is boiling over, or your son has just walked in from the garden slathered head to toe in mud. It’s at times like this when your blood begins to boil and the red mist comes down, like the blood trickling down the screen at the start of those old James Bond films.

Before we look at how to control your temper, then, it’s worth reiterating why losing your temper doesn’t work. Consider the scenario: your child wants to play with a particular toy, but you know that you’ve both got to go to your parents for tea in five minutes. You politely refuse, and watch as your kid boils over into a mini-strop. You lose your temper, he loses his, and before you know it you’re both at each other’s throats without having solved the initial problem: in fact, in the heat of the moment, it all goes forgotten and all you end up doing is winding each other up until both of you are on your back, kicking your legs. There’s a great phrase on a website called Minti.com which says:

“If parents have problems with their child’s behaviour and all they have in their parental tool kit are bigger hammers, the kids are going to develop bigger nails.”

So how can you control your frustration when things start going wrong?  What do you do when counting to ten doesn’t work, or you don’t have a wooden spoon handy to chomp down on? 

• Don’t take it personally. One mistake many parents make when their child has a tantrum is viewing it as a reflection on their ability as a mother or father. This is exacerbated when old women tut at you in the aisle as your child screams away. Ignore them: their judgement, if they are judging you, doesn’t matter.
• Plan ahead. If you anticipate a tantrum, you can take steps to control the situation before it gets out of hand. For example, you will give your child one warning, and if they don’t calm down, you will take them home, or send them to the naughty step. If you plan, you can stay in control, and your stress levels will stay low.
• Deep breaths. If you do end up blowing your top, stop as soon as you can and take a few deep breaths. Apologise to your child for losing your temper and give them a hug. Do try to ensure that you follow through with any discipline that you were planning on doling out, though, as your child still needs to learn that their tantrum will not be tolerated.

It is inevitable that you will, on occasion, lose your temper. We’re all human, after all. Just make sure that you apologise, calm down, and resist the urge to throw yourself on your back and scream.

Share on Facebook