Did you feel guilty about introducing a new sibling into your young children’s lives only to find they were far more resilient than you ever imagined? Susanne from our Parent Panel explores her emotions this latest post for BornFree Mum & Dad.

Sometimes it feels like my son is only 2 months old. In fact today he is two years old, but to me he is still a baby. He will always be my baby, and- I fear- a rather special one at that. The fact that I have another one growing inside of me will never change that for me. But does it change things for him?

After the fog had begun to lift following my son’s birth, I realised that I had wasted so much precious time. I already knew how quickly the time passes with children and yet I had spent endless days in tears, unable to love him properly and unable to be the mother he truly deserved. I realised that I had an awful lot to make up to him and I was determined to do it, even if it took the rest of my life. Then I got pregnant.

At first, we told both of the children together, as we felt this was only fair. My daughter was suitably impressed for long enough before she returned to Scooby Doo on the television, and my son… My son didn’t understand. He was only 18 months old. There would be time. We could use that time to consider the best ways to ‘break the news’.

But do we really have to ‘break the news’ as it were? Is becoming a big brother really going to shake his world in the way that I am imagining? These days, I’m not so sure. You see, my son is incredibly resilient. He is a fighter. I should’ve known this, given the battle he fought- and won- in his first hour on earth. He has overcome other battles with a smile on his face too and, best of all, he is amazingly loving. Why do I worry that he won’t like a new baby to kiss and cuddle?

Last night, my son and I were enjoying our bedtime bottle together, as we always do, when he suddenly turned around to look at me carefully. He placed a hand on my belly and said

Hello baby!

That’s my son. That’s the wonder of toddlers. Sometimes, we look for problems that were never there in the beginning. When I was pregnant last time, I spent a lot of time worrying that my daughter was going to feel left out and upset with the new arrival. When I got home from the hospital, she presented me with a beautiful picture for her brother with the words I love you written neatly on the front. My children know this emotion so well. Love. They love being siblings and adding one more is NOT going to be a problem for them.

It is my mixed up emotions that need a good old spring clean. I know that now. I need to let go of the past and accept that my son is fine. He does not need me to live with the troubles of his early days hung around my neck like a ball and chain. He needs me to look forward to the rest of his life, with a house full of children and a heart full of love.

Did you feel guilty about bringing  a new baby into your young children’s lives? Please share your story in a comment, we’d love to hear it.

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